A self-defeating attitude is like self-sabotage, you give up even before you attempt something. Whatever you do, you think it is not good enough, and you start finding multiple tiny flaws in it, or before someone comments on it, you jump in and criticize it yourself. Self – Defeating attitude can be categorized as follows:
“I am not good enough”: Thinking that you are not good enough and setting a low standard for yourself is a part of self-hate and a form of self-defeating attitude. It stops you from taking any big responsibility thinking that you are not good enough for it or makes you stop from getting into a relationship because you believe you are not good enough. It prevents you from even giving something a try.
“I am going to mess this up”: Manifesting your mistakes makes you more self-critical, and it is more likely that you accept defeat even before trying because you think that you will mess up and the outcome won’t be successful or perfect.
We usually presume things are impossible without even giving them a try; everything is impossible if you don’t try. A self-defeating attitude can limit your potential and cause hindrance in your career and personal life as well. For e.g. you step away from a big project because you assume you wouldn’t be able to achieve the goals, or you avoid a relationship because you assume you will get your heart broken before even giving it a try. A self-defeating attitude is a pessimistic approach towards situations; you start thinking about what could go wrong instead of what could go right.
Here are a few ways to fix the Self-Defeating attitude and stop limiting your potential:
1. Keep your goals fixed but be flexible with the method: Not following the exact blueprint you planned to achieve a goal is okay. The goal is important – learn to compromise on the method and be open to changes.
2. Do not overthink: As soon as you think about it, start doing it before getting into the self-analytical process and giving up. If you don’t give yourself enough time to think, you cannot over analyze and criticize and give up on your goal before starting.
3. Give in your best: Put your 100 percent effort into it; the result doesn’t matter but go all in. So if things do not work out, you wouldn’t have any regrets knowing you gave it your best; and you would be more focused on the process, and it will surely teach you a thing or two.
4. Think who you would be without your fears and doubts: Think what would you do if you weren’t scared of failing or messing up and then think about why you are scared of failing and messing up; then dive straight into the challenge and complete it in the way you like.
5. Remember that no one is judging you: Everyone is busy analyzing and judging themselves; they won’t stick to your mistakes or mess-ups because everyone has their own struggles and challenges to focus on, and they are probably facing the same fear that you are facing.
6. Change the outside and inside will follow: If you replace a self-defeatist attitude with confidence, you will feel more powerful while doing a task. You cannot build confidence from the inside till you are ready to get up, make some mistakes, and show that you are ready for any challenge. Building confidence requires you to step out of your comfort zone, and once you are out, you will slowly learn how to take up more challenges confidently.
We all are scared to fail because it hurts our ego a little, but not meeting any challenges or failures is impossible. It is okay to fail, failing wouldn’t hurt you but not trying will. Failing something can hurt for a while, but it also makes us grow and stronger, so get comfortable with the idea of failing but do not get comfortable with giving up.