Readers’ question: I wonder how to get across my problem. Nonetheless, I won’t beat around the bush, and I will talk openly. Here’s the thing: I have a wife, but I also have a lover. I’m tired of my wife, I no longer have any feelings for her, I avoid her as much as possible, I escape every interaction… While with my mistress, oh, that’s a completely different story… I won’t get into details; after all, I am a decent and civilized man; however, in short, she makes me feel alive… and how alive! But that’s not the problem. I have a feeling my wife has someone. I am not sure about anything, yet somehow, she’s changed. It’s eating me up. Maybe she had someone all along!! Oh, the torment! I cannot explain what’s been happening with me from that moment. It’s eating me alive. I cannot think straight. I don’t get it. This woman that I even didn’t want to look at until yesterday doesn’t give me peace of mind. But, it’s not her, I still don’t feel anything for her! Then why all this jealousy, or whatever it is that I’m feeling!?
P.S. We have two children, two boys. They’re my pride and joy! Mine!? What if they’re not mine at all!? I must admit, various thoughts are going through my head.
P.P.S. My mistress left me for someone else. She said I’m not over my wife yet because I’m acting weird. Honestly, I don’t care about her. And just to think that until yesterday she was the fountain of my life. What’s wrong with me?
Our life expert’s answer: Not so dear reader, the answer to this question does not lie in you, but it should be looked for and will be found in the beginnings of the patriarchy many years ago. Let me give you a brief historical intro. I know you’ll ask what this has to do with anything, but just be patient; I’ll explain! When fatherhood was recognized, i.e. man’s role in creating the offspring, this new feeling appeared and became the basis of the patriarchal society. Yes, it was an incredible revelation when the father realized that children were his blood, his own seed. First of all, he gained power through his progeny, and secondly, he was to elude death through his descendants. So, that meant that his physical death was not his actual death because he and his ambitions will continue to live through his children. In other words, his children’s success is his own success; his children’s life is his own. On the other hand, there is no consciousness of the physiological relationship between the man and the progeny when it comes to matrilineal society.
Not so dear reader, I know you’re getting on pins and needles, and you think I am getting away from the subject, but just be patient. Fatherhood as discovery has opened to men a whole new world where suddenly everything gained meaning, but… that had many side effects to it also. The extreme jealousy that emerged in the patriarchal society was much stronger than the plain old instinctive jealousy, which is part of us all. However, that jealousy is not caused by women themselves but from the offspring, i.e., from the fear of its forgery.
Children, I mean those legitimate children are just a continuation of your ego; that’s their sole purpose. Taking care of them means taking care of yourself. And slowly, we are getting to the answer to your question. Imagine if you found out that you’re taking care of children who have no biological connection with you whatsoever. Oh, that is your biggest horror!
So, what should be done to avoid this problem? Well, one thing is certain. Men must be sure that women won’t cheat on their husbands. You may ask how to achieve that? Very simple, of course. All you have to do is isolate them! Isolate from what? From everything. From the society as a whole. From the economic, political, and social life to avoid all possible risks of her becoming unfaithful. This is why women were kept out of the educational process, the ‘serious’ thoughts… Men have kept all the knowledge for themselves (and they still do in many parts of the world) just to keep women away from the tree of knowledge and dreams of a brighter future, with wishes for a different life, a life beyond the household and care for the children. Only then, when she’s maintained in such false stupidity, can you find some peace of mind and be with your mistress freely, my not so dear reader. But if someone reaches for the ‘purity’ of your children’s mother, ah, the beast from the ancient times awakes, and you become more terrifying than the most terrifying lion! As a new attained meaning of a man’s life, the legitimacy of his progeny became the basic driving force of the patriarchal community. That is why new rules were conceived and imposed; for example, the bride must be a virgin until she gets married when she is passed from her father’s hands into the hands of her husband, in an already known framework of behavior and expectations from her.
At least there has been a slight improvement in Western societies, but the basic concept is still there. Has it become clearer where your sudden attack of panic and jealousy comes from, not so dear reader?
P.S. (Since you are a fan of P.S.) You don’t write what the reason for your suspicion is. Why do you think there’s someone else in your wife’s life? Or maybe these are just your thoughts and fears. Just because you’re doing it, you think everyone around you is capable of doing the same thing.