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the myth of being “low-maintenance”
We’ve been taught to wear “low-maintenance” as a badge of honor. But what if it’s just another way of saying we learned to need less than we deserve?
OPINION
Tara Mehta
10/24/20252 min read
at some point, many of us started wearing the label “low-maintenance” like a medal of pride. we said we were easy. chill. the kind of person who doesn’t ask for much. we called ourselves simple, but what we really meant was self-sufficient to the point of silence. we learned to shrink our needs so we wouldn’t be called needy. to go with the flow so we wouldn’t be “too much.” to accept less, smile more, and never seem difficult. but somewhere along the way, “low-maintenance” stopped meaning effortless and started meaning emotionally undernourished.
the performance of being easy
the idea of being low-maintenance is often celebrated — the “cool girl” who doesn’t complain, the partner who never argues, the friend who never asks for anything. it’s supposed to sound liberating, but in reality, it’s exhausting. a 2021 psychology today report found that 61% of women identify as “people-pleasers” and struggle to express their true needs out of fear of rejection. that’s what low-maintenance often hides — the deep desire to be loved without being an inconvenience. we don’t realize how much effort it takes to appear effortless.
how we learned to need less
many of us were raised to believe that being agreeable made us lovable. we watched adults reward quiet compliance and punish emotional honesty. by the time we grew up, we internalized the belief that our needs were burdens. so we learned to water down our feelings, to smile through discomfort, to apologize for asking for help. we became experts at pretending we’re fine — even when we’re running on empty. low-maintenance became a shield. it kept us from feeling rejected but also kept us from feeling truly seen.
the cost of being “chill”
there’s nothing wrong with being flexible or easygoing. the problem is when it becomes self-erasure. when you silence your emotions so others feel comfortable. when you minimize your needs because you fear being called dramatic. over time, this emotional suppression catches up. according to research published by the national institute of health, people who consistently suppress emotions experience higher stress levels and lower life satisfaction. being chill all the time often means internalizing chaos quietly. it’s smiling while you’re hurting, agreeing when you want to say no, and mistaking emotional neglect for peace.
redefining maintenance
being low-maintenance shouldn’t mean asking for nothing. it should mean knowing what keeps you grounded and honoring that unapologetically. maybe your version of maintenance is solitude. maybe it’s communication. maybe it’s being asked how you’re really doing instead of pretending you’re okay. high or low — maintenance isn’t a moral ranking. it’s just awareness. the most self-aware people aren’t the ones who need nothing; they’re the ones who know exactly what they need and are brave enough to ask for it.
the real flex
the truth is, being “low-maintenance” isn’t always a virtue. sometimes it’s a quiet cry for emotional permission. permission to take up space. to speak up. to stop minimizing the things that make us feel whole. the real flex isn’t needing less. it’s allowing yourself to need more — and trusting that you’re still worthy of love when you do. you don’t need to be low-maintenance to be loved. you just need to be real. what if being “too much” was just being exactly who you are?