Oh Grindr, dear old toxic friend… What should we name this app? At its core, it’s categorized under “Meet & Date Local LGBTQ People” But once you decide to indulge in the secrets it hides under the registration screen, you’ll find a place where hook-ups are predominant. A hook-up app, some would say, whilst others would call it a simpler way to find recreational drugs.
But one thing is correct, it surely connects queer people in a much easier way, not saying if it’s a good or bad way, it all depends on what one is looking for but as a wild estimate done by myself (not accurate at all, just based off my experience) I’d say the chances you find a queer person (in or out of the closet) Is around 97%.
Grindr and the toxic of the gay community
Yes, there have been multiple attempts done by the app to stop such behaviour but just like an annoying ad in a game you have found yourself obsessed with; you wait until you can skip.
Unlike other “Dating” apps, this one doesn’t make you fill out your profile, allowing you to have a blank profile, no picture, no information and still use the app to its full capacity, allowing for people to hide in the shadows and create an unhealthy environment for those who are truly there to meet people on good terms. Now, I’m not saying that every single blank profile promotes body shaming and racist, there’s the case where a blank profile is used by someone afraid to expose their identity due to still being in the closet or as a safety precaution as we have seen a few cases where men pray upon the queer community by remaining hidden by this anonymous profile, as we have a Texas’ man who used the app to rob gay men.
The saddest part of it all is that when you manage to make an environment for men on an app, they manage to make it an unsafe space in regards to expressing oneself. The hatred and judgement that lays within the gay community have been shown many times before between one another, either if it’s by race, body type or even if they have HIV+. Instead of creating an open environment for those that feel different from the rest and looking for a safe haven to find people alike, they are met with the same judgments that we have faced for decades by the world but this time, it’s by our own kind.
In many profiles you’ll be able to find toxic behavior, red flags from men who see themselves as too masculine or not as gay as others with phrases like “masc. only, no fem, no fatties, no blacks…” To name a few of the people that lay within the app and excusing this behavior by explaining that it’s just a preference when in reality is their lack of empathy and self-awareness as they are part of a community that has been able to move forward due to the sacrifice of people who didn’t fit with society standards and decided to speak up and fight to be treated as an equal, they didn’t fight for people in the community to remain hidden and judge those that express themselves freely.
Stereotypes forced on each other
Many terms have been given to describe different physical characteristics of those within the gay community, from twink to otter, to bear. These words are sometimes used as derogatory terms against one another as they do center around physical appearance and are used as a way to excuse judgmental behavior whilst filtering people through apps. Labels had surrounded the community for years and created a rupture that might not be able to fix. Forcing each person in the community in this one role, making them believe that theirs is nothing beyond physical appearance as well as how we are often portrayed in media; hypersexual and narcissistic.
This toxic environment won’t help us make any progress but rather get stuck with what we have and find ourselves trapped in a community that only deems certain physical qualities worthy of being attractive instead of taking the entire person as a whole.
We have all heard or been victims of the words gay at some point in our lives and we know the misuse of it. For example, when a gay man’s voice is deep or he doesn’t present certain mannerisms which have been attributed to gay men, someone might say “But you don’t look gay” Which certainly adds some bad emphasis creating a repercussion in the person’s mind, possibly transforming a word they would use to describe their sexual preference, to something which is bad.
Is Grindr really a place to date and meet LGBTQ+ people?
The short answer is yes, but if you have gotten this far you might have figured out that it’s not what one would expect from a place that tries to be open-minded and welcoming to all.
There are many cases where people truly are seeking to find people alike and share experiences as well as find someone to connect with on a deeper level.
Though, don’t go into it with high hopes as it takes time to properly find someone who isn’t there for a quick hook-up or share intimate pictures as that seems to be function users have given to the app.
But it’s true, it is the most well-known app by gay men, and it usually is the first choice to test the waters whilst entering the queer world, which adds to the cycle of toxicity, finding their first encounter with the community to be displeasing or purely sexual one might be demotivated to venture in further or take a different path to simply fit in.
It takes one person to make the change and call someone out in their behavior to cause a domino effect, a much needed impact to start bringing light to deeper issues, finding unity instead of ways of creating segregated groups in the community.