I just saw this annoying news, yes, annoying. One night in early April, Anna DiBella, who lives in Surrey, B.C., was on a date with a man she met on the online dating app Bumble. She says the night started well. Then, she took the man home. DiBella said the man couldn’t get an erection and begged her to let him remove the condom. She insisted he keeps it on because she was not using other forms of birth control.
Then at one point, he asked her to roll over. “The next thing I knew, he was ejaculating on my back. I was confused as to why this was happening and I asked, ‘What happened? Were you still wearing a condom?’ He said, ‘No, I only took it off for a little bit,” she said.
“I was just feeling really upset and violated and I wasn’t sure if it was a crime. But it sure felt like it was rape.” DiBella then kicked the man out of the house and called the local rape relief center to learn that what had happened to her was sometimes referred to as “stealthing.”
What is stealthing?
According to Wikipedia, Non-consensual condom removal, or “stealthing,” is the practice of a man covertly removing a condom during sexual intercourse, or purposefully damaging it before sexual intercourse, when his sex partner has only consented to condom-protected sex. Victims are exposed to potential sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as HIV/AIDS, or unwanted pregnancies. Such behavior may be therefore regarded as sexual assault or rape, and sometimes as a form of reproductive coercion.
Yes, may be regarded as sexual assault. Because once the woman consents to the sex, she has no right to change her mind, not even mention that she only agreed to condom-protected sex. Women have NO rights. And this is what happened to Anna DiBella. DiBella reported the incident to the RCMP. Because she had two young children at home, she was reluctant to have the police in her home and made an appointment to go to the police station to testify. However, before going to the police station, she received a call from an investigator.
The investigator asked, “What exactly do you expect from the police regarding this incident?” DiBella replied, “An investigation into whether a crime was committed, and you should know that it is my right under the law to report a crime.” Instead, the investigator said, “Well, as you know, you consented to have sex, all so there was no rape or crime.
I have to say I’m not a legal expert and I know nothing about the law. But I know what respect and consent mean. Like the old example of tea and consent: they might want a cup of tea now, but then they changed their mind, you can’t force them to drink the tea. It’s the same thing with stealthing, they want green tea and you said you would offer them a green tea, but because you don’t like green tea, so you decide to make them a coffee, what’s even worse, you lied about coffee and told them this is green tea. What if they are allergic to coffee? You could end up killing them. Just in case you don’t know this: If they are exposed to HIV/AIDS, they could die from it!
In addition to emotional consequences ‒ like feelings of shame and a loss of trust ‒ condom stealthing also poses physical problems, such as Unwanted pregnancy, STIs (such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, human papillomavirus (HPV), syphilis, mycoplasma genitalium, trichomoniasis, HIV/AIDS, pubic lice, herpes, hepatitis, bacterial vaginosis, molluscum contagiosum, etc).
Unfortunately, stealthing has become increasingly prevalent in recent years. It is reported that “stealthing” is very common in Canada. According to a 2019 online survey, 18.7% of the 592 Canadian university students who participated in the survey reported that they experienced “stealthing,” or the removal of a condom without consent when having sex.
Why are men doing this? besides, they are arseholes) one of the most common reasons men give for stealthing is they feel better. Yes, they feel better even when they are exposed to harm and danger. Some experts studied this mentality and suggest it is about fear and insecurity, and men want empowerment. But TBH, I have no sympathy for those selfish bastards. Want to empower women by hurting them? If I want empowerment, what should I do? Would it be wise to go out and attack children, people with disabilities, and vulnerable groups?
Here are a few suggestions that may be helpful to girls who have been victims of stealthing or who fear it may happen to them:
Don’t blame yourself!
Get tested for STDs or pregnancy.
BYOC: Bring Your Own Condoms
Look, we aren’t here to judge you or to dictate when or with whom you should have sex! What we can tell you, however, is that you deserve a healthy relationship based on respect, trust, and honesty because you are valuable! Do not let anyone ever slut-shame you.