Is marriage everything in life for a woman, I asked some friends?
Female friend -“It is definitely not everything. But, yes, in India, it is made to be the “prime” goal of a person’s life, particularly a woman’s. I don’t know what exactly the reason behind this obsession with marriage is, but it is irritating when people take that to be everything in your life.”
Male friend –“I can’t say about other countries but yes, for Indians, Marriage is zenith point of life. Gender doesn’t matter. Both crave for it. It’s like marriage is salvation to them. They do everything in their life just to get married. Parents wanted to give the best education to their sons so that they can get huge dowry in their son’s marriage. They hesitate to give higher education to their daughter because if she will be highly qualified, there would be a greater difficulty in finding the appropriate match for her.”
Another Male friend –“In India, Marriages are a status symbol. Whoever gets more dowries, is the most respectful person in society.”
Me– “Marriage is and has to be supposedly everything for women everywhere. I have never come across a man ask for an advice on how to combine marriage, career, and kids. Why? Because it is a woman’s job.”
Now what I think and sturdily believe in, Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment, at least for me. I am not obstructive to the institution of marriage. In fact, I highly honor it. But getting married just for the sake of it will do no good to our mental health as well as life. To say that women in India have it tough is an obvious understatement. But even within the female population, there are severely marginalized sections.
My experience; I disappeared from Facebook for a couple of months this year. Resultantly, I was flooded with questions related to my marriage rather than my work, Academic Projects, Health or whereabouts when I got back. People on my friend list were asking if I had gotten married as I had disappeared. I asked why I would disappear even if I had gotten married. And guess, what they answered; “You would have gotten busy with your new family and wouldn’t have time to even log on to Facebook”. I was, hmm, let me say “flabbergasted”!! That’s what our society is made of. Can you believe it? You would expect a new marriage drive you to a point where you just don’t have time to yourself. Does it happen with Men? Do they get asked the same when they disappear? No. They have plenty of time even post marriage. We don’t expect them to get busy and forget to log on to Social Media. Do we? You tell me.
Great post! I”m a new follower! Thanks for reading my blog recently!
Ena https://prettyplusandproud.wordpress.com/
Your Blog is so fun to navigate. I loved your Clothing trial pictures as well as the most recent post. I am happy to have find yours. Thank you very much for stopping by. Happy to have you on board. 🙂
Knowledge is having the right answer and intelligence is asking the right question…..so keep asking the right questions and keep writing…like reading your blog.
Thank you for the motivation. Thank you for taking out the time to comment. I just think and question a lot. People could not bear me asking questions in general so i started typing my questions. 🙂
Marriage can be the greatest gift, a source of inspiration and a Divine Vision for your whole life, if it is based on true love. It can be everything, the fullness of life, a fresh miracle with every new day. And it is the job of your husband to empower you in every aspect of your life.
And I absolutely agree to all of those beautiful statements. It is indeed a lovely and an enchanting journey to take while holding hands together through ups and downs. Marriage has to hold the same connotation for both the individuals involved to make it work. On the other hand, I am expressing about worldwide perceptions, to which women, especially women of marginalized segment are subjected to. I am not talking about institution of marriage. Two people building and sailing together in life is delightful. However, everybody is not blessed with such a blissful marriage. The way our society takes on situations is a lot different than realism. People belonging to lower strata of society, lacking basic human skills, those deprived of education and necessary resources, not so well brought up adults, and zillions of other harsh realities lead to a life not so devouring and appealing to people leading luxurious lives. I am not talking about one sort of marriage observing one couple. Marriages come in all forms of experiences, miseries and harmony. Whereas, some people experience the beauty of such an esteemed institution and some don’t. There are millions of things taking place behind closed doors such as domestic violence, Acid attacks, Marital rape, Slavery, Inequality, One Sided Compromises, Physical and Emotional Abuse and numerous other things. Basically, I mean to touch up on the bads of society to spread awareness and arouse conscience. I learn from the goods in society and appreciate them as much as I can, as often as I can.
You are so thoughtful and considerate. Thank you very much for bringing up different leitmotifs of the write up.
Hello, Lovey 🙂 I thank you, for your profound response. And I agree with you: we live in a broken world and not in the Garden Eden. This is one important argument for marriage, because we need trustworthy companions on our way. Someone we can laugh and cry with, to celebrate and enjoy and embrace life. And, well, face the reality of death. I have no kitschy illusions about that. „Marriage is an armed alliance against the outside world“ (G.K.Chesterton) and it can maybe grow to something like a Garden Eden in a broken world, a meeting place of heaven and earth. The embryo of a New Creation.
Blessings,
Mark
You are welcome. You don’t even need to thank me. I relish having such conversations about issues I feel strongly for. I am positively aggressive. Also, we are on the same mental page. I follow what you intend to communicate. Things can be good as well as bad, after all, it’s life and that’s what life is about. We have to only put our best foot forward to make our lives healthier and emerge out with flying colors rather than thumping foot in anguish over life for no valid reason. We need right people to lead a joyful and jubilant life. Everybody is beautiful in their own way. Bless you.
Best Regards
Lovey
Haha Positively aggressive, I like that. A butterfly with weapons 🙂
🙂
True. 🙂 But our society is unbiased in this part. Both men and women are hammered with irrelevant questions, once you reach the threshold age of getting married. :’)
I most certainly agree. I understand where you are coming from but all I am trying to precise, it does not stop merely at irrelevant questions.There are many other gruesome “rules” related to marriage which are essentially forced on women more than men. Men are mostly forced by their parents to marry because they are completely obsessed about “settling down their sons” with the “fairest, Slimmest, taciturn and morose” girl who brings in dowry more than those greedy peeps have ever earned in life. And, please agree to me, Relationships can never last on greed, especially The “sacred” marriage.
Women are not given education as parents will not be able to get them married off easily. Why? They get hassled for “dowry” enough; they don’t want to spend much on education because of “dowry”. Her skin color peeves its way through somehow and go on to become a hurdle for a man’s family, no matter how “typically dark” the mother of the son is. Her voice has to be perfect. Her vagina has to be intact. Men are also stereotyped by their incomes and habits. A man’s career is zillion times more important than a woman’s. Agreed? Her education level doesn’t matter but her flawless skills of cooking, cleaning and washing are “wanted”. I am not talking about me or you on an individual basis.
I know we are undergoing a remarkable change. There are some amazing men out there who are marrying acid attack survivors, rape survivors, and specially abled beautiful souls, they cook, clean and run errands for their respective partners without even demanding dowry. But, it’s not what majority experiences. Men don’t have to bother about skin color, keeping their virginity intact, dowry issues, accepting rituals of dowry hungry family and what not. Even after marriage, the wife will be abandoned if she bears a girl child (in most cases). I can elaborate further but I am sure you are not interested in reading such a long reply. Our society is crooked haphazardly. It is up to us now to break free to make society better.
Marriage can definitely be the best or worst thing in the world,
depending on the heart and mind of both involved!.:) 💜 Jackie@KWH
Well said. Appreciate it.