An angry nerdy woman.
It’s okay to judge others? Judgments are a tricky way to maneuver life.
We hear people sharing gen about how it’s sacrilegious to judge people. We are imparted to judge people for things they are not in control of (read my last post) while it should be the opposite. We must not judge others how they live their lives and what we don’t know and understand. It’s their business but if it affects us then we need to stand up for ourselves too. We, all of us, people, are complex beings, carrying a certain amount of traits plagiarized from others or enthused from others, which we ascertain through methods of our own. That is where the judgment comes into play. The problem isn’t judging. The problem lies in the mindset of the person judging.
I personally think it is okay to judge people for the things they are in charge of, their words and actions than arbitrary reasons. And, I don’t mean putting others down to inflate your ego. I mean letting those anodyne people exit from your life. Humans can be held accountable for their actions, unlike other species. It’s okay to have thoughts since it is inevitable. Thoughts are never subject to ethics; irreverent actions always are. Hence, it’s not acceptable to maltreat people based on pre-judgments (prejudices). All our judgments must be governed by righteous standards.
We’re all human and we judge people involuntarily. The slippery slope activates when we sanction that judgment to affect our conduct towards someone and secretly communicate the same to others. That is considered gossip. It makes the one engaging in gossip appear to be of a poor character and as a result, vulnerable to being blathered about themselves.
Judgments find their way
I also think, the term “judgment” has a negative connotation attached to it and that is why I like to call it “discernment” to save myself from people coming at me with their pitchforks ready. People might have a problem with the word ‘judgment’ because it sounds wrong at face value. If you think calling someone unfamiliar beautiful instantly is not a judgment? If you think praising someone, calling them cultured, intelligent, and well-mannered is not a judgment? Your concepts are blemished. There are judgments everywhere, direct or indirect, good or bad. Our life is constructed on judgments. Our life decisions are built on judgments. Our ability to discern or what you call judgment determines our environment. Life entails what we distinguish good and bad. So, it goes without saying that unless one wants to lead a Spartan life one has to judge. Not judging means treating a villain and a saint as the same.
Our brain is built to evaluate. It’s the only way to keep your body safe and preserve good energy at the same time. We make decisions about our personal and intimate lives, businesses, professionals, and what not while meeting people, interacting with them, and socializing. We are human beings – we perceive, we observe, we conclude, we infer. We are wired that way. We must judge people rationally with enough information to decide on our association with them. But, rationality is subjective. So are we.
If you feel uncomfortable around someone and they suffocate you and make your life noxious then would you say, hey, I shouldn’t judge them for their behavior and they are still a gem under that cruelty? NO??? NO in capitals should ideally be your answer. As an independent person of free will, I(we) are entitled to decide with whom we shall associate, when and under what circumstances. So, isn’t it a tad duplicitous that we only welcome judgments when they are sugar-coated as compliments and are repulsed by the ones which come in the form of a critique? It’s a vicious circle all the way around.
I don’t think we would be able to progress without the gift of judgment; we wouldn’t be able to choose good people around us, we wouldn’t be able to do business with the people who bring us profits, we wouldn’t be able to vote rationally or vice-versa, Telling someone not to judge is like limiting their primordial freedom of assessing what’s good for them and whatnot.
It’s only being mortal and following your gut and instincts. Keep your conscience clear; Watch out for yourself first and foremost. Judgments are there to save us from destruction, to get out of the way of a threat, and to be safe rather than sorry.
In all practicality, there are many such people who are waiting to latch you for their advantage. Not being able to judge them in time may cost you dear and spoil your life forever.
If you are a good person, you are a good person regardless of your religion, race, caste, creed, gender, singlehood, divorced status, and married nature, or whatever. But if you are an asshole, you are an asshole and you would be judged for your words and actions.
Excellent points, Lovey. You make some good distinctions about when judging is appropriate and helpful in making good choices. And certainly judgment is part of accountability. I remember a conversation with my son about the importance of using his judgment – to judge the behavior of kids and adults around him so he could decide who he wanted to emulate and what kind of person he wanted to be. He still remembers that conversation. Great post. 😀
I thought I would be rebuked for the post but I am glad you understand my intent. I hope more and more parents could have such conversations with their children so they are not confused and misdirected by unnecessary predicaments when they grow up. It is important to be true to our own selves first. Thank you very much for the constant support.
Like most things, I think it comes down to intent. Judgment can be cruel or loving. Understanding our motivation is key.
I always admire your positivity and clarity in thought. I think alike, it all comes down to intent. There are always pros and cons of everything and we need to examine both carefully to make an informed decision.