Question from a reader: Happiness and honesty are a risk on their own; that is why not everyone deserves happiness. Or let’s say risking can make you happy, but then you will need honesty, which can be uncomfortable, yet only at the moment when you say it out loud. In perspective, it isn’t that painful. Nevertheless, we have another even more giant trap, given that happiness is very simple in its essence. The trick is how to live with that simplicity and not think of it as boring.
Well, my dear life expert, the last one is my open and honest question for you.
– Signature: Z. D.
Answer from our life expert:
My dear friend, oh, my dear friend!
From the vibrations I’m getting from your letter, I have a feeling that you’re somewhere at a turning point in your life. Is that right?
Keywords: honesty, risk, happiness, simplicity, boredom. But first things first. If you’re honest enough towards yourself and the other person, then take the risk, that bridging element to happiness – the famous thesis sounds something like that, doesn’t it? Fortune favors the bold, i.e. those who take risks. A risk! Risk as a possible danger.
If we only reverse this thesis, I have a feeling we will reach a certain point. Who’s the one risking, actually? From my standpoint, the one who decides to stay in the same position, the one who is afraid to leave the hidey-hole, is the one who is risking. The one who’s afraid to leave his staled position which has taken the shape of his existence just like memory foam. Little does one know, at least at that point, that staying is actually the riskiest thing one can make; that’s the perilous situation one could find oneself in.
My dear friend, have you ever witnessed a person who has decided not to move? What a torture is that! When you watch his body wilting, disappearing. God forbid! His body left without essential food, all of his sweet life juices dried out. His eyes become strangely spherical; they just wander around to escape your glance as if they are hiding away. And he smells a little bit rotten too, oh, my dear, dear friend yes, he does… The disgust substitutes the possibility for understanding and compassion. That’s the price one pays when risking to stay in the well-familiar inner space; that has never been or could ever be a challenge.
Let’s be clear! It’s not a risk when you listen to your inner voice and make room for new experiences, when you’re in tune with yourself and others. No, that’s not a risk! In those situations, you are not missing the opportunity; instead, you’re taking it, and you know that with certainty. No matter what the new circumstances are, they simply don’t matter because there’s no greater high than a new experience. Imagine never experiencing it; imagine running away, retreating, saying no to it. Oh, no, no, no, just the thought of it makes my hackles rise! It irks me to think about it!!
Your second thesis is that happiness is simple! Equating happiness with simplicity. No way! Positioned like that, happiness creates frustration. One may ask: Why can’t I enjoy the little things!? What’s wrong with me? Well, that’s not the task of happiness! Nothing is simple, and being happy is the least simple thing to achieve, and that’s not something to be afraid of.
For illustration, the language, which reflects our nature, emanates from within us to follow us and display every feeling is not one-dimensional or made of one layer. Our language is lavish and full of countless variations, shades, parables, metaphors, metonymies, comparisons, hidden meanings, and whatnot to help us express ourselves and our inner world. And if you look beyond words, ah, if you see that other side of the words, ah – new and new worlds await.
Oh, maybe I went too far, my dear friend, but here’s just one everyday example as a confirmation of my thoughts. A simple question: “Would you like to come over for a coffee?” a friend asks you. What does this sentence mean? Firstly, it could mean: I want to have coffee, keep me company. Secondly, I need your company, I have something to share with you, you understand me best, the coffee doesn’t matter at all. Thirdly, come to me for some tenderness and caressing. And many, many more contexts and sub-contexts can be found. Seemingly a simple call for a coffee is not that simple at all, as you can see. (But, you are not a child anymore, and that is understandable; you do not speak straightforwardly anymore.)
Another example: Holding hands may look like a simple thing to do, but before and during that moment, complex explosions of thoughts, ideas, visions, wishes, instincts, and lust occur. On the other hand, it represents peace, fulfillment, and belonging. Happiness is another state of being which doesn’t come easily right here and right now. It’s a process of growth, self-discovery, and comprehension of self and otherness. That is precisely why it mustn’t be put in the same basket with simplicity, especially not with boredom. No way!
Oh, my dear! We are approaching the fear of boredom. You are a modern person just like me, and this fear is a characteristic of modern times, the construction of the “modern society.” Primarily, let’s make things clear: although they are often mixed up, boredom is an antonym for excitement, not for happiness, so consequently, boredom cannot be a threat to happiness. One more thing, boredom has a reason for existing in our lives, and we shouldn’t just dismiss it whenever we have a chance like in TV shows, movies, games and declare war on it, but we should give boredom a chance to speak. It can often be fruitful and a source for creation. If you leave small children on their own, without any toys to play with and games, they will slowly come up with some new unique games. And that’s the biggest fear in every romantic relationship also. What will happen after the first explosive passion, where you are entirely and totally physically and spiritually obsessed with the other person, unable to think of anything else but him, wanting him every day throughout the day? What then? Was that it? Those questions arise because we have equaled that excitement with love, but love is just one part of it, and the same goes for happiness. So, as you can see, boredom cannot kill happiness or love, for that matter. But, if we make the right approach, boredom can redefine these terms over and over and give them new layers and meanings.
At the very end, my dear friend, let us, just for a moment, shut down all the external voices aggressively selling bliss at every corner, offering recipes for instant happiness and killing boredom, and instead of being frustrated, stop and listen to our own true nature sitting scared and silently cornered for being outdated. When we begin to capture nature’s frequencies, slowly reconnecting with it, i.e. when we actualize our bond with it, we won’t be like flowers in a flower shop, but living free as wildflowers on a meadow, where we truly belong, without making a fuss about happiness or boredom. Just like children.